A Day In The Life Of Bubba Jack Teabagger

Bubba Jack sleeps as late as he wants in his broke down trailer because he lives off Social Security and pay from the Koch Brothers to troll the Internet and disrupt Congressional town hall meetings. (Bubba Jack would not recognize honest labor if it jumped up and bit him in his angry old white man’s sagging ass.) Bubba Jack usually gets up about 10 AM so that he can enjoy a full day of Rightwing propaganda brought to him by the America-hating FOX News channel. Bubba Jack washes down his Medicare Part D Prescriptions with clean, pure water certified by the jobs-killing EPA.

After Bubba Jack has finished breakfast bought with socialist Food Stamps, he calls the socialist county Senior Transportation Service to give him a taxpayer-paid ride to the socialist Senior Center to harangue his Congressman at a town hall meeting. (Bubba Jack lives in an exclusive whites-only segregated gated community because he hates people of any color other than lily white.) Bubba Jack stops at Walmart to buy some poster board and crayons for Anti-Obama signs.

When Bubba Jack arrives at the Senior Center he checks in with the Koch Brothers paymaster so that he will receive pay for haranguing his Congressman. The Koch Brothers paymaster tells Bubba Jack the corporate approved misspelled taunts to write in crayon on the Walmart poster board. Bubba Jack fights to get a good seat on the front row—he wants to make sure that he is close enough to shout his Congressman down and get on the evening FOX News.

After a grueling day of haranguing at the socialist Senior Center, Bubba Jack goes home in the socialist county Senior Transportation Service bus. Bubba Jack eats a nourshing meal provided by the local socialist Meals On Wheels Program. After Bubba Jack finishes his meal he gets on his laptop provided by a socialist Rural Stimulus Fund Project to spend a few hours trolling the Internet posting racist Teabagger taunts on Internet message boards.

After a few hours of spreading Koch Brothers approved Teabagger lies and hatred, Bubba Jack goes to bed resting safe and secure in the knowledge that his feeble efforts have helped the Corporations and wealthy keep their tax cuts and government welfare. Bubba Jack is also at peace that his right to die from an easily treatable disease due to no health insurance has not been infringed.

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A Day In The Life Of Rick Republican

Rick sleeps as late as he wants because he lives off the interest of inherited wealth and profits from off shore business interests. (Rick has never put in an honest day’s work during his entire white, “Christian” born-to-privileged life.) Rick usually gets up about 10 AM to enjoy breakfast in bed served by his personal illegal-alien maid, Maria Gonzales. Rick illegally writes Maria’s sub-minimum unreported wages off his income tax as “business expenses.”

After Rick has finished breakfast, his illegal-alien chauffeur, Paco Rodriguez, drives him from his exclusive gated community to the FDIC insured bank so that he can see how much money that he earned during the night while he was sleeping on his useless, lazy, fat ass. (Rick lives in a gated community because he fears retribution from all of the honest hard-working people that he has cheated and swindled throughout his worthless life.) Rick makes two stops on the way to bank. He stops at his tenement house to evict a 95 year-old widow woman because she was one day late paying the rent. After Rick evicts the widow woman, he makes a quick stop at a nursing home to steal the wheels off the wheel chairs. Rick illegally writes Paco’s sub-minimum unreported wages off his income tax as “business expenses.” Rick also illegally writes off the wear and tear on his HUMMER and illegally logs his personally chauffeured travels to claim as mileage.

After the daily stop at the bank, Rick is off to a “business lunch” bought and paid for by a lobbyist. Of course, Rick illegally writes off his free lunch as a “business expense.” After lunch, Rick goes to his Whites-only country club to spend the afternoon playing golf, tennis, drinking and whatever else strikes his fancy. The American Petroleum Institute pays Rick’s country club fees and dues and Rick illegally writes off this perk as “business expenses.”

After a grueling day at the Country Club, Rick goes to a black-tie Republican fundraiser sponsored by the Koch Brothers and emceed by the drug-addled gasbag, Rush Limbaugh. Rick does not report his illegal one million dollar personal donation to the Republibagger candidate.

Paco delivers Rick’s drunken hide home around midnight. Rick coerces Maria into having sex before he goes to sleep by threatening to turn her into the INS. Rick illegally writes off Maria’s rape as “entertainment expenses.” Rick falls asleep with a smirk on his face safe and secure in the knowledge that he has not done one damn socially redeeming thing all day long.

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Blaming The Victim

Florida and Kentucky, two notoriously Red states, recently passed state laws requiring welfare recipients to undergo mandatory drug testing to receive benefits. This is a typical example of Republican “Blame the Victim” mentality to justify their disgusting selfishness and callousness.

According to Republican dogma, all people on welfare fall into one of two categories–Black, crack-using promiscuous single mothers that are too lazy to work or Brown-skinned illegal aliens.

I hate to burst the typical Rightwing Kool-Aid sipper’s bubbles, but they are dead wrong about some of their RNC beliefs. The majority of people on welfare are lily white and they are heavily concentrated in the Republican Red states. The majority of people on welfare are not too lazy to work. Some can’t work because of health reasons and the majority are under-employed due to the crappy Republican economy. The majority of people on welfare are not living high off the hog and driving Cadillacs.  This lie was perpetuated by dead Reagan.

Now that Rightwingers have been exposed to the inconvenient truth, they can all get off their holier-than-thou pedestals and show a little compassion for the people that are struggling to survive during the Second Great Republican Depression.

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Things Not To Say To The Cop That Has Pulled You Over

1. Hey, are you the cop in The Village People?

2. Officer your eyes seem to be glazed–have you been eating donuts?

3. Please hold my beer while I look for my driver’s license.

4. Do you know who I am?

5. Why aren’t you out arresting murderers and rapists?

6. Are you late getting to the Donut shop?

7. Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

8. I only had two beers.

9. I bet your mother would be proud of you hassling innocent people.

10. Any profane words.

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Made In The USA?

John Smith started the day early,
having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 am.
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking,
he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG),
and put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA),
designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and
tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA).
After cooking his breakfast in his new
electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA),
he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO),
to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN)
to the radio (MADE IN INDIA),
he got in his car (MADE IN JAPAN),
filled it with GAS (from SAUDIA ARABIA)
to continue his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

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Breaking the Corporate Code Word: “Frugality.”

After 18 months of getting some of its multibillion-dollar weapons programs cut
and others sharply scrutinized for soaring costs, Lockheed Martin Corporation is
stressing frugality as the new order of the day. Allow me, a forcibly retired experienced
middle-aged Lockheed Martin employee, to be the first to break the corporate code
word "frugality" for the benefit of the current experienced middle-aged Lockheed Martin
employees: Lockheed Martin corporate frugality equates to layoffs. Don’t worry about the
folks in the Corporate Ivory Tower losing their jobs–corporate frugality always flows downhill
to hit the low-hanging fruit on the tree: the people that actually do any useful work.

Rest easy CEO Bob Stevens, your cushy job is safe.

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Republican Granddaughter?

I wonder if my sweet two year old granddaughter is a Republican—she says “NO” to everything!

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